Hit & Run (The “Three People You Won’t Meet In Heaven” Edition)

All Hail Bill Belicheat

 Not the most galling news of the weekend, but bad enough.

Worst was the notion that a mediocrity like Jerome Bettis was enshrined. Career rushing average below 4.0  13 seasons played, nine with a rushing average below 4.0. Two seasons of 10+ scores, even though he was a primary option down close. Only five seasons where he averaged more than 75 yards a game.

3.4 yard career rushing average in the playoffs, zero value as a receiver or blocker. He’s arguably the worst player in the Hall of Fame

The best I can do for Pete Carroll and Derrell Bevell is the following:

  • They didn’t throw the damned ball.
  • When Seattle went for the TD at the end of the first half, everyone was shocked that they didn’t just kick the field goal as well. If you gamble, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.

That said, the pass at the end of the first half was thrown to the corner of the end zone, where there were only two people who could catch it– and the Seattle receiver had six inches on the corner. Not into the center of the @#$%$%$$$ end zone.

I feel like the referee at the end of the movie Slap Shot, who awards Paul Newman’s team the championship by forfeit after the captain of the other team coldcocks him:All right, come on, dummy, you won the game. Come on, pick up your trophy. Here ya go, ya bum.”

We’ll pretend you didn’t know that you were cheating– this or any of the other times.

Actually, it’s kinda fitting that you won the title the year that Ray Rice knocked out his girlfriend and the league covered it up and Puff Gordon got reinstated. Where do we go to flush this season?

On Drew Rosenhaus’s Open Letter

I’m supposed to believe that Puff Gordon wrote this letter?  I don’t even believe he read the letter before it was published.

I’m sorry that Puff the drug addict is sad that people are calling him out. I freely admit that I’m not sure what Charles Barkley or Stephen A. Smith said, because I didn’t read them. I’m also not aware of the opinions of Charles Manson, any of the Kardashians or the lady who collects pop cans in a shopping cart by the building I work (who talks a great deal about microwaves).

I feel like I ought to shower just because Stephen A. Smith and I seem to be on the same side.

The drug addiction that currently has control of all of Puff’s decision-making wishers everyone would leave it alone, so it could keep getting high without being hassled. It will say or do anything that it thinks will help achieve this.

A good working assumption, at this point, would be to assume that nothing the addiction tells you is true– at best, any truth was s twisted beyond recognition.

The best thing about this event is that it seems to have woken Terry Pluto up. He’s one of the writers in the country most qualified to discuss this subject, and he finally said something he has to have known for months.

“Several times in his letter, Gordon said, “I have failed myself.”

“Having done weekly jail ministry in downtown Akron for 15 years, one of the common lines you hear from addicts is: “The only one I’m really hurting is myself.”

“They don’t want to face how their actions impact others. By saying, “I only hurt myself,” it almost puts them in the role of a victim.”

It’s the first thing you learn when you deal with convicts. They didn’t do anything, it’s all bad luck, it coulda happened to anyone and he’s the one paying the price, so why don’t we all just shut the #^$$& up and give him what he needs?

Not gonna happen, Nor should it.

And speaking of my worst week ever, not only do I seem to be on the same side as those two yo-yo’s (Cris Carter I respect, because he is a recovering addict), I even agree with Mary Kay Cabot.

On Johnny Rehab

My attitude towards the news that he’s entered rehab can be summed up in three bullets:

1. I don’t know which facility he is in. That information would tell us everything we need to know.

  • Some rehab facilities are places that really do rehab– they dry you out completely (which can be a horrific process0 and then give you the sort of straight talk and effective counseling that get results. If you don’t follow the program. you get tossed out. These places takes months.
  • Others talk tough but don’t get all the chemicals out before they start (meaning the talk won’t work) and don’t crack the whip. They want repeat business, and having a reputation as a tough place doesn’t attract clients who won’t do the work. They take 4-6 weeks.
  • Still others serve as a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. You go in for a few weeks, they take your money and give you a certificate. You get to say you sought help and have been cured– meaning people get off your back until the next incident. They get a lot of your money. They take a week or two

2. The type of place determines the outcome. If he went to an actual rehab place, they might toss him out for not following the program. And if he comes out, there’s no guarantee he will succeed. But that’s his best chance.

If he chose one of the other two places, the behavior probably won’t stop. The only thing we’ll know is whether he”s well-intentioned or not.

  • He might pick one of the places in the second group– where they mean well but don’t go all out– because he doesn’t know any better. A lot of those places are run by people with big names. People speak well of them. Sometimes they succeed, but it’s the exception, not the rule. The guy really has to want to change.
  • If he goes to a place that exists just to keep people off your case for a while– like the one Puff went to a year ago– he has no chance. That means he’s an addict and he’s just trying to manage the uproar and do something to make sure he isn’t cut. If so, it’s just a lull, and it’ll only get worse.

Glowing recommendations from former patients, by the way, isn’t a sign that the place is good. Patients of the first type of places– which do rehab– say “They put me through hell. It was the worst experience of my life. I hated every minute of it and I often wanted to die. But they helped me quit, so thank the lord for them.”

It’s sort of like what the old NFL players used to say about training camp. Nobody ever talked about how much they loved pre-season with Vince Lombardi, Paul Brown, Tom Landry, Chuck Noll or Don Shula.

When they talk about is as a warm and caring environment where they got in touch with themselves– and it sounds sorta like you might want to go there– t’s usually a bad sign.

3. We’ll know soon enough. When the people I knew were going through this, you had to hang out with alcoholics or therapists (who knew the best places) to learn things. You’d see the ads for Glenbeigh, but you wouldn’t know whether it was any good until you went to the Dennys near the church in North Olmsted or Cuyahoga Falls where they held the good meetings.

Now we have social media, so this information gets easier to track down.

In some cases we’ll know sooner. The good places won’t talk to anyone but the family, friends or maybe an employer. The last thing in the world they’ll do is talk to the media. They won’t acknowledge that the person is a patient and they will tell the family not to talk about it.

You see an interview with the Plain Dealer, you know it’s a Group 2 or Group 3 place.

Another test is to monitor the Twitter account. No decent place will let you do social media. He’s been silent since January 25th, so that’s something

Another sign– straight from a friend who does this– is whether he does his little gesture. If he does through rehab and it takes, the finger rub will vanish. Without going through a lot of psychological jargon, a person who is satisfied with his life and has some inner peace will not say “Look at all the money I have!!!!”


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